Habits that Steal your Happiness

As humans, we are largely habitual creatures, and, unfortunately, this innate ability can be used to our benefit or to our demise... While we may sincerely claim that we're desperate for a peaceful and happy life, our habits often sabotage our efforts.

I know from my own experience that I crave a healthier lifestyle, but instead I tend to binge watch TV, eat cookies and drink wine on the weekends. For those searching for a soul mate, you may put on your best dress, but then reject every dude you meet at the party. Try as we might, even keeping a positive outlook on life can be a challenge. I thank the stars for the continued success of my business, but in the same breath find myself complaining that I don’t have enough free time. It’s a struggle when we want something different out of life, but we keep doing the same things that aren’t working for us. Insanity, right?

Breaking habits isn't easy — just ask anyone who’s ever tried. But finding a way to lose the negative patterns we've been carrying around with us is often the missing puzzle piece in our pursuit of happiness.

Here are some habits that may be getting in your way:

1. Comparing yourself to others.

This is a losing battle that people have been fighting for all eternity. As the saying goes… “The grass is always greener.” Comparing yourself to others will not only make you envious and miserable, but it will also prevent you from fully appreciating the amazing facets of your own life. You're not here to be like someone else; you're here to be like you! We’ve all come into this life with special gifts and talents that were bestowed upon us and that only we can share. Using our special gifts is what allows us to fulfill our life’s purpose. Of course like many others, I’ve thought about trading places with those who seemed to have an easier or more desirable path, but then realized that as much as I may wish certain aspects of my life were different, I don’t actually want to be someone else - so I guess that’s a good start!

2. Obsessing about how you look.

It took me a long time to come to the realization that my body is just a shell, a housing for the real me — a temporary vessel carrying precious cargo. Although it deserves love, care and respect — it does not define you. In my youth I spent a lot of time obsessing about how I looked and relied on my looks to measure my worth, until I finally figured out that it was a zero sum game. There would always be some one out there prettier, taller, skinnier, sexier that I was - just around the corner. Comparing yourself to others is like trying to win a car race on the freeway. You’ll never actually take the lead because there will always be another car in front of you. Making matters worse, the constant criticism and loathing self-talk will only manifest the result you are trying to avoid. So put your best face forward and then focus on what’s really important - who you are as a person! Remember, it's impossible to be happy while hating your physical appearance, because hate and happiness cannot co-exist. Spending too much time on your outside physical appearance is simply a distraction from all the things that actually matter. Look inward, not outward and you’ll be happier.

3. Being judgmental.

The judgments we inflict on others are often an outward extension of how we feel about ourselves. This concept is the most difficult for me to face some days. I’ll admit I’ve been guilty of this behavior more than I would care to admit. The best bet is trying to meet every circumstance and situation with a fresh mind and an open heart. Judging yourself or anyone else is self-defeating and entirely pointless. Taking things for what they are, along with offering acceptance, compassion and a neutral attitude, totally changes the way we see the world.

4. Following others.

Followers live frustrating and unempowered lives. This applies to anything and everything — opting into trends because a magazine said you should, working out a specific way because a celebrity does, buying a new Mercedes because your best friend has one . Go your own way and embrace a deep and abiding sense of fulfillment that can only be found by NOT following the crowd. Stand out and make your own mark in the world, you’ll appreciate your own unique style in a way you could never appreciate someone else’s!

5. Ignoring your intuition.

Important messages come to us for a reason…That little voice in your head ALWAYS has the answer. Most of the time we fail to listen because it's not telling us what we want to hear. Frequently, it asks us to do things that are hard or uncomfortable, but necessary. Do the hard thing now instead of the exponentially harder thing much later, and skip all the pain that comes from waiting way too long to make the right decision.

6. Consuming too much media.

Mass media (for the most part) sells itself on negativity - and boy has there been a lot of negativity these past few years… Avoiding it is the best way to stay true to your own instincts and beliefs, instead of being brainwashed by the often-distorted norms and values of pop culture. Educating oneself by reading books, attending lectures or classes, and channeling the divine are all good things. Try limiting your computer time, TV viewing and other consumption as much as you can. When you do opt into media, try to stick with positive, life-affirming stuff.

7. Shopping, shopping shopping.

Consumerism is the ultimate smoke screen, distracting us from everything worthwhile about our existence. We've been taught that buying stuff will fill the void and make us feel whole and beautiful and happy. It's retail therapy to the extreme and I’m guilty of this more than anyone I know... Unfortunately, materialistic endeavors may provide short term gratification, but ultimately it will leave you feeling more overwhelmed, guilty and empty inside. Filling our lives with MORE material crap clutters us up and steals our attention away from what's truly valuable. Living more minimally is freeing for body, mind and spirit.

8. Living in fear.

Hate resides in fear and love resides in hope. Fear is like the boogeyman lurking just beneath the surface, waiting to sabotage the next awesome opportunity that comes your way. For many, it's entirely subconscious. In a culture of cynicism and worry, happiness is outside the norm, so people tend to be afraid of it. When something wonderful happens, we convince ourselves that disaster is just around the corner — and self-fulfilling prophecies occur. Milking joy every chance we get is the best way to beat this self-defeating pattern. Don’t live in fear, live in hope!